I Want More Than My Desperation
by Lioness's Heart
Summary: He sees redemption in her eyes. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: As per usual, I own nothing. **

**And I'm torturing Will again. Poor thing. This is slightly AU, but only if you squint, as far as I can tell. I haven't seen beyond the winter finale (1x08 "Home"), so I really don't know what happens beyond that except for little bits and pieces to say that it is AU. Anyway, enjoy! I'd love some feedback!  
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He sees redemption in her eyes.

When he first sees her again, she is tired and she is wearing nothing but her underclothes. The corset and drab skirt are a far cry from the clothing he remembers. There is a change in her. There is hopelessness and pain in her face.

Once, he would have thought that there was nothing he could do to dull her pain. He could never give her hope again. Her hope died with her genie.

Will Scarlett is no genie. He can work no magic. That is how he likes it. Magic is dangerous. It is powerful. Power – and the hunger for it – nearly destroyed him once. It might not have been his drive for power, but it was enough.

Those memories are too painful to think of now, even without his heart. They are long-past and it is better if he does not think about them. Alice needs his full attention.

As they wander through Wonderland, he can see Alice coming back to life. The adventure and the drive to see Cyrus again bring a spark of hope to her eyes. The little he can feel without his heart is both brighter and darker than before. She deserves better than this, having to trek through Wonderland just to see the man she loves again.

Something changes as they get closer and closer to Cyrus. It feels like something in him has changed – like it is suddenly broken and replaced by something else. The only thing he can describe it as is something akin to a rubber band snapping back, but Alice would never understand that reference.

She has gotten into his head and under his skin and he does not want that to change. He knows that it will – as soon as they find Cyrus and he can get her out of Wonderland, it will all be gone.

The realization that he loves Alice is like taking the Cheshire Cat to the face. It is full of claws and it follows him everywhere. He knows he cannot love – perhaps that is where the problem is. He does not want to. This girl – this strange, hopeful, optimistic, broken girl – has changed him. He does not like change. Not when he was happy with where he was, insofar as he can call himself happy. Content might be a better word, Will decides. He was content before Alice.

Now, he does not know how he feels. He does not know what to think of her or of his past. But he knows that he would follow her to the ends of Wonderland and beyond. He would do anything for Alice and it scares him.

He will never tell her that. He cannot do that to her – he cannot add to her already crushing burden. He is incapable of truly loving her. He is content to be her friend. He has to be, he tells himself.

Then _she _comes barreling back into his life and Will does not know what to do anymore. His heart is no longer broken, but that is because he does not have to feel it. It is because it is _not there_.

Anastasia is his bane and his boon. He loves her almost as much as he has come to love Alice. He loves her, but he cannot trust her. He does not want to love her – not when it hurt so much.

Will does not want his heart back. He does not want the pain, the heartbreak. He would rather not deal with that again. The distance allows him to be able to think, to survive. The pain is paralysis. It is hot and aching but it is cold and it breaks him. He does not know if he is strong enough to fight a war in his head as well as a war against Jafar.

The world seems like it is spinning in too many directions and he is at the center of the storm. He can never love Alice. Not truly, not wholly, not like she deserves. He cannot love Anastasia. Loving her nearly destroyed him and he keeps telling himself that he cannot face that again.

When he is dying, he only has one wish. Ana is trying desperately to hold him there, to beg him to stay. He is sure of that much. In the end, he cannot wish for anything for them. This is his one wish. This is his one chance. He wishes that Alice's pain would end. That is all he wants. There is enough pain in the world without hers.

He prays that she will be able to be happy, that her life with Cyrus will be long and as beautiful as she deserves.

In the end, he still sees redemption in her eyes. He is content with that.


End file.
